Knocking My Brain to Kill Boredom


I am writing now in the midst of waiting my flight to Lombok via Bali, departing in 8 more hours. I should wait for that long and I have no idea what to do despite being in such a tourist city with so many beaches here and there. I guess I am still tired and I want to ponder , while being distracted with one funny Korean clips lol.

I’ve abandoned this blog for like months. It’s not that I do not have any ideas of what to write, I’ve got a lot actually. I have some books I want to review, I have some topics I want to talk (starting from those Lolicon bastards to my current adored figure, Elon Musk), and I decide to take a writing project with my long-time friends. Yet I was unable to commence anything because I am too perfectionist inside my head lol, lack of perseverance and enjoying Korean videos too much my leisure time is all for it lol. Apparently, my fighting spirit needs to be upgraded hhi.

Well, Imma starting with books I have finished so far and making a quick review of them. Imma killing this longggg transit time!!


  1. A Hunchback of Notredame

So I started 2017 with one of Victor Hugo’s masterpiece. Not familiar with him? Well, he’s the original author of Les Miserable. He is one of respected French authors and had a unique delivery of his story. I only have read one of his masterpiece, which is this A-Hunchback of Notredame, and I concluded that he was very obsessed with details in history of every places appeared in his novel which some of them did not have any direct connection with the characters. I remember reading a chapter, one full chapter, explaining about an area in Paris, the story behind the making of it. To be honest I was bored to death. The main premise of this novel was not visible until, like, reaching the middle part of this novel. It was tiring to death, and I kinda forced myself to finish this and postponed reading another. Do you know how long it took to finish this? 6 months! lol.

The main story revolves the people living in French during 1840-ish, if I’m not mistaken. During that time, there were many immigrants in Paris, most of them were gypsies who were known to practice magics and thus, outcast and hated by many Parisians. They were in the bottom part of society back then. There was Esmeralda, a young gypsy girl living with her smart goat, professing as hmm, an entertainer. She showcased her dance along with her goat’s ability to spell human’s names. She put an interest with Phoebe, a Parisian soldier, who seemingly liked her too. Esmeralda did not have parents since she was a kid but she was left with a necklace, which she believed was left by her parents on purpose. She had this gut feeling that her parents, her mother ( I forgot why she was sure it’s her mother) was still alive.

Then there were these other two important characters, Claude de Frollo and Quasimodo. Claude de Frollo was one of political figure in Paris, well-known for his intelligence and level-headedness. He found Quasimodo when Quasimodo was still a baby and raised him, helped him live in society to be a bell-ringer in Notre-dame church. Quasimodo was described as having a monstrous look, having only one-eye with a hump in his back. It didn’t stop there, he was also deaf, and that often caused misunderstandings with other citizens. Many people were scared of his (at that time looks really mattered, guys) hence, he was isolated. Both Frollo and Quasimodo loved Esmeralda. Frollo was even so obsessed with her, that he’d rather Esmeralda died than married other guy. Compared to love possessed by Quasimodo, which made him wish and expect nothing but Esmeralda’s happiness and safety, Frollo’s was the start of all problems in this novel.

I will tell no more about the story, I guess I still recommend you to read this book. You can learn a bit about French history, especially Notre-dame church, since it was really there in Paris. Also, a bell-ringer who had same description like Quasimodo’s actually existed and some guessed that he inspired Victor Hugo. Also, this novel got a damn right moral lesson, that is still relatable for current age. How people with different background, personality, physics, who are deemed abnormal, were often cast aside. Discrimination is still everywhere…

Rating  : 3/5

2. The Great Gatsby

Okay, old sports! Let’s get to the point lol. This novel started with a really ordinary-life situations from a point of view of Nick Carraway. He was the neighbor of Jay Gatsby, our main character, and the cousin of Daisy Buchanan, Gatsby’s long-time ex-lover, now a wife of Tom Buchanan. This story revolves around the failure in moving on, push and pull, which led to fatal tragedy in the end of the story. This was my first time reading F. Scott Fitzgerald ‘s and I experienced curiosity in every pages. I was interested with the stereotypings of people in West and East bay and such, lol. I guess stereotyping was really really intense back then. And the twist in the end was really unexpected. After all, I did not really expect Daisy would want to sacrifice everything, her unpleasant marriage too, for Gatsby, I mean, that was like uncommon problem solution for adultery lol. But I don’t expect Gatsby will… fiuih he was willing to sacrifice himself to cover Daisy. and Tom the Coward, ck.

Gatsby was a party leader. He was a millionaire who made many ‘friends’ and they were always there in Gatsby’s house whenever he threw parties. But apparently no-one, but Nick and his father, was there during his hard time. Well, old sports, that’s why you should know well who your true friends are.

Rating : 5/5

3. Start-up Nation: The Story of Israel’s Economic Miracle

This is the first non-fiction book I read in 2017 and everytime people saw me with this book, they looked like I was reading some kind of Adam Smith’s or Parkin’s lol. This book is insightful and helping you be more briefly knowledgeable about Israel and its economic system, but with a nice delivery. Neither Senor or Singer threw those freaky economics terminologies; believe me, they wrote with humane languages lol.

Israel knows their limitation in term of natural resources and number of citizens and that’s the reason why they depend much on R&D and technology. The government also encourages entrepreneurship that it becomes a ‘thing’ there, while people in other nations still considers it as a job with no certain income. They keep seeking of improvement in anything they created to have more effective results. That is what makes Israel a country with the second highest spending on innovation and one of the highest with patent registrations. That is why so many companies from developed countries invest their R&D in Israel despite their not supportive external environment (The Gulf, war with Palestine). Despite its size, Israel was early to catch the benefit of technology could give to human beings.

I was inspired with Israel’s perseverance, mentality, and out-of-the-box thinking through this book. They strived so hard to build their nation by investing more in technology, which can improve their was of living and also contributes to country’s economy. Their strong mentality is mostly contributed by the military background that all of citizens commonly shared. I realize that I live way more comfortably than Israeli. My parents were raising me and my bro-sis really hard but it’s nothing compared to Israel’s situation though lol.

Their nation itself is pretty much a start-up

Things I learned from them :

  • Dare to throw opinions and constructive criticism,
  • Dare to accept criticism also, despite the source being someone under your rank/age
  • Dare to commit for goals and strive for the implementation, no matter how difficult the circumstances are (especially compared to what Israel is facing)
  • Dare to make as many alternatives and adjustments as they can not only in business but also in life, since this whole world is full of uncertainty
  • Dare to explore ‘world’ and experience adventure to get a perfectly clear sight of your own goals
  • Dare to take risks (this one is hard, old sport, I’m a risk-averse hiks)
  • =

From this book, I also got to conceptualize a life I want to have; Life I can do my personal things freely, improve myself day by day, and seek for adventure, even in my daily life lol.

Indirectly, I also learn that Success is not achieved in one night. There are processes that needs a lot of patience, a realization that one needs to improve more and more, and you gotta be ready for it. lol

Rating : 5/5

4. The Great Divorce

My favorite Christian author, C.S.Lewis. I’m back reading his work of fiction, describing about a world before hell and heaven. The ones who are saved and deserved heaven, the ones who can only see a little glimpse of it from a far and have to continue journey to the opposite direction. Pretty much the book tells us that. Well, it’s not a matter of your good and wrong deeds. A mother who loved his son so much that she’d rather have her son and herself go to hell for being together did not deserve heaven.

This book also tells that heaven is not about you, not about your enjoying the gold and the joy only for yourself. Heaven is a place in which you will not find any sufferings, since God is the source of your happiness. He is your joy, and thus, worthy much of your praise. In heaven, your life of full worshiping him begins. We, as a re-born Christian, do that on earth. But this earth is sinful, since here evils occupy this earth also. Even though an author wants to fully worship God through his writings, there are times he falls for a selfish goal of wanting fame for himself. That’s just an example, though. In Heaven, God is really the center of everything. You must give up any kind of earthly affections you have and let Him replace it with His affection so that you can love in His way.

Lewis is really a smart and talented author. Such a philosopher. A fairy-tale lover. A deep thinker. I want to be like him.

I need to persevere first.

Rating : 5/5

Okay So that’s all my readings so far. Going to update you more about mmmm maybe about my upcoming fiction writing project with my friend. 🙂

I guess I’d like to take my time for a relaxing massage while still waiting for my flight 🙂


To The Tip of The…

I remember last year, at the same date, I was alone contemplating how I should start and end 2016. I created a big plan, broke them down into specific tasks and routines, like how my study taught me during my campus years lol. I messed a lot due to my lack of disciplines and sacrifice haha though I managed to accomplish some of them after struggling bloody much. Actually my mind is not at ease since I realize that whole 2016 was more a turmoil; I have mixed feelings over it and I do not know if I feel disappointed to myself, but to be exact, I could not feel happy.

I am currently doing the exact same thing that I did last year and I cannot focus. I am super anxious and I am wondering if I still had a capability to be committed to what I have planned. I am afraid that I do not write as many times as I plan. I am afraid that I do not read. I am afraid that I still disappoint my parents with my ignorance. I am afraid that  I still find it hard to let people in. I am afraid that I, again, sacrifice my time and friendship for things or people unworthy and realize just when I lose them all. I am afraid that I will mess everything. I am afraid that 2017 is just going to be another time I fail myself.

The things are now, I have so many regrets over things I did in 2016. This time I really wonder if I could travel back and undo so many things. So many if-s that are inside my head now and they are singing louder when I am in my silence. I try to distract myself by opening Instagram, Path, anything but those just keep me trapped even more.

I should move forward, I know. Start anew. But despite that knowledge, I am afraid. I fear 2017.

I just…want to apologize to some friends that I avoid, forget. To some people that I just turned down their care and love. To my parents, sister, and brother. To God. The last two entities are whom I disappointed the most.

I am going to pray and I do hope that there will be peace in my mind and heart. I badly need it.

And at last, I want to apologize to myself. I turn away from the love I need just to get comfort from a temporary lust.


Nothing but The best



Everything changes and will never go back to the way it used to be

You go there, I stay here, they spread nowhere to be known

No matter how sorry I am, I can never re-create moments

I am drowning inside of my head, thinking about how things were,

Comparing things that are now

They say you are better off this way, appears to me they blame me

For how you were

I do not care what they think of me, that if they thought I made you worse

THough I blame myself much for what happened

But one thing that I realize, I never meant any harm to you

I know that I supported you so much, and even though you disgraced me

degraded me, from the title of your close friend to be your close trash

I still know that you are capable and I wish nothing but the best

I will keep myself from hoping to be your entourage

I will live my life if that’s what you want

And I will never go back

I will keep myself from going back

I will try my best to disappear from your eyes if that comfies you

I am sorry for breathing the same air

in the same place

But I promise I will never bother you

You can hold onto my words

Since I always try my best on it

So sorry for being at your sight everyday

Even though it hurts me to be disgraced like that

I understand.

Wish you the very best luck and success!

Good bye!



Wuthering Heights was what made me fall in love with classics. Up till now, no more stories could give me a strong impact, a cold chill, such that book gave. Emily Bronte clearly described how love and ambition could either destruct or construct.

The story was anti-mainstream at its age, when mostly romance told romance. Wuthering Heights combined really greatly the love story, family issue, bigotry, and tragedy. The plot twist was not much, but each characters were strong figures and very distinctive. Here also people could see how egoistic love that human has is. I followed each chapters and scenes and concluded that the story inside was happening as the results of their decisions. That is why the story was so flowing and smoothly progressing towards the end.

I’m not talking much about the novel. I do not think I will do justice to re-tell it, or review it, since the book is such a perfection to me. But I know I have to tell someone, to tell you, that this book is great and you should read this classic! Like, you can learn that what’s not going to be, will never be. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you will unite with the one(s) you care and love when you die and you are buried side by side lol. Nope that’s not it of course.

I am here to tell you about my favorite character, Hareton Earnshaw! Despite his appearance was only in the near-to-end parts, I care for him. Because one, in my opinion he is the only pure soul in the story and second, he is a victim, a collateral damage of what his father, his grandmother, even his auntie, Catherine Earnshaw, the love of Heathcliff, did and he did not deserve it. He was treated so inhumanely by Heathcliff, even worse than the treatment received by Heathcliff. He was raised as uncivilized boy, only knew how to work in farm and dealt with animals. Girls were not mesmerizing for him until he met Cathy, his own cousin that he fell in love.

…He appeared to have bent his malevolence on making him a brute: he was never taught to read or write; never rebuked for any bad habit which did not annoy his keeper; never led a single step towards virtue, or guarded by a single precept against vice.

Unfortunately, he was disliked by her for his unintelligent code of conduct, while in fact he never learnt what was proper and what was not. He could not show his love and care properly because he was shown differently (by his so-kind uncle,Heathcliff), thus made Cathy chose Linton over him. He was the one who helped Cathy and yet being mistaken for his motive by her. My, life is so unfair for him. He was so eager to learn to read but he was being laughed at. Huhuhu I was crying at that scene. He seek for personal growth, unconsciously but the only one supportive was Nelly while Cathy just kept underestimating him. He silently lamented Heathcliff’s death, thinking Heathcliff’s been a father to him while Heathcliff hurt and ruined his life. He was the punching bag of Wuthering Heights (, unknown year).

Even though his life started so roughly, it slowly changed towards some happy moments, leading to a better life. Cathy finally taught him to read. He learnt how to live like a civilized guy. lol.  I don’t mean to spoil anything, but the story at least gave justice to him. If not, I might have put the book on fire since I could not stand to remember how cruel Bronte to him. Like, it’s enough for Hareton to taste the aftermath of an injustice  in Wuthering Heights.Even though Linton and Cathy did too, but at least they tasted a love from their parent (ironically, Cathy was so loved by Edgar Linton while Linton was with Isabella Linton– ones who read will probably get this). They also knew how to read and spell, they were taught which one was right and not, they recognized what made people happy and what not. They could have a perspective towards life, planned to have a life like this and that. While Hareton… They knew how to behave well. Yeah, I could name more, and more of them. Perhaps these are my subjective thoughts, but for me, Linton and Cathy had better life in the beginning.

Upss I forgot that Nelly loved Hareton so much. But unfortunately Heathcliff separated them for so long that Hareton was grown up not remembering even a thing about her 😦

Also, I guess Heathcliff, to some extent, genuinely cared for him (this is debatable for me, tho) since he was carried some features of Heathcliff’s love of his life. Of course, Hareton and Catherine The Mom were Earnshaws!

Of course, I never not learn anything from my favorite character in a book. From Hareton Earnshaw, I know that no matter how slumped you are, how unrefined you are raised (because of the situation or people), you can still change your life so long as you have a strong motivation to grow. That motivation can be from other person, or a special thing you want to achieve. Hareton, who never knew that his life was hugely not decent, was driven by a strong want to impress Cathy and also a curiosity.

Also, no matter how isolated one is from an actual, genuine form of care, he/she will be able to feel it once he/she meets a person they are attracted too and wanting to act to it.

That’s all my plea for this guy. I hope that you all, who is going to read Wuthering Heights, can show some love and care for Hareton 🙂

Let Us Sing Boombayah

~~ Middle finger up, F-U-PAY ME!


Source of PIC : What a cute pic up there!

One of my silly friends pointed his middle finger to me and I laughed it off. Suddenly it reminded me of :

  • Blackpink’s song. IF you guys don’t watch or observe 1/10000 parts of Kpop, you wont ever get this
  • My thoughts on people who are jerks and and bastards and  angelic-demonic-in-between and stupid that I got to see and deal with.
  • My self.


Just Leave This Untitled



I have forgiven you.

I have forgiven me.

I look into the mirror and realize that I could never change what is happening

I would not blame you. Ever since. Never will.

I knew I played a big part and I’d want you to know that it was so hard for me

It was so hard to let go of everything

It was like hell, when I was alone, I kept thinking if I never did it with you

More likely we’d still be funny to each others

I never forgive myself for what has happened now to us

You will never look the same anymore

I can never see you like I saw you before

God, how I despise myself for this

So many if-s come out of my head

I never regret what we had done

I regret that everything just changes now

I am really sorry

I can never tell you this eyes to eyes

For I am afraid what is going to happen next

I am afraid worse things will happen

That we will be farther

I am anxious, that you are going to leave, your physics and your mind

That you will never think of me anymore

I am afraid, so afraid that I ask you’d never go any further with that one

Everything changes. I am sorry.


A Kid Who Could Not Let Go



Ariel, a 5-year-old girl, was living a relatively nice kid life. She might not be as loud as other kids, but she would like to speak when she had to. She was not the most diligent or the neatest kid in class, yet she was proven able to catch any materials given by the teacher. She loved being in her own brain and  reading comics and Old Testament’s story made her day since it was full of fun and exciting things. She did not know many kids in class or vice versa. That is why she had a few friends only in class, the closest one was only Lei, a girl who was older by 5 months. But she loved her friends so much she would be extremely sad when she was left.

One day, her father realized that Ariel could have been to a higher class in school, for she was older than her friends in her current class, yet not old enough to go to upper level. But her father saw her capable since her teacher always addressed her as a capable kid who only needed to improve her focus, neatness, and orderliness. He asked her teacher if she could help Ariel to go to upper level when she’s not due yet. Her teacher told him yes, and in the next two weeks she would no longer be in her current class.

Ariel was told so and surprised was she to know that. She cried and was unwilling. She hated the upper level kids. All those kids were very rude and noisy. They often picked fights with her current class kids. She did not want to separate with her friends, too. They were nicer and funnier. With them she could laugh a lot while with the upper levels, she did not think so. She only thought of Lei and her current class friends. She did not want to leave her friends. She was afraid that her friends would not play with her anymore. She could not make friends in the upper level, she was sure of it. That’s why she met her teacher and pleaded.

Her teacher told her not to cry over temporary things. Friends were easy to find but chance to be more knowledgeable sooner than her other friends were rare.  She was enough in age, and her father trusted that her brain could catch fast enough. The kids in the upper level would not bother her as long as she stayed silent. Lei, also, was considered old and capable enough to go to upper level, but her parents had not come up with a decision. Lei and her current class friends were her friends and they would not easily forget Ariel. She kept crying although she began to agree deep in her heart with what the teacher said.


A few weeks passed by and Ariel began to walk comfortably in the upper level. The kids she thought noisy were not really. They did not bother her, but she chose not to go close to them. The other kids were helpful in the drawing session, the session she really disliked. She also liked to learn about words and writing sentences. She had no problem with maths but lack of focus she was that she often skipped what her teacher said. She was slowly back having a relatively nice life.

Then finally Lei came to the upper level as a new kid. Her parents finally approved of her going higher. That made Ariel joyful and she smiled all day, and planned to sit in chair beside her friend. Her teacher, though, did not allow since there was already one seat empty. Ariel saw Lei with her short hair and thought she looked different and not worse, but well, she did not like it. But Ariel cast the thought aside for she was delighted.

A few weeks only they were not playing together never had Ariel think that Lei would ignore her. She did say few words of happiness but Ariel expected more. She wanted to play with her but Lei did not seem to and chose to go with Merry, a kid who was longer in the upper level. Merry was also a kid sitting beside Lei. Ariel wanted to join but she was given many rules that she was so sad she could not be so carefree anymore with Lei.

So her teacher was wrong. Lei forgot her and no longer wanted to play with her. But her teacher told her right too, not to cry over temporary things. Friends were temporary.



Now, as Ariel has grown up, she realized that friends were just a variable depending on time and place. She shall never trust yet she can never leave.