Knocking My Brain to Kill Boredom


I am writing now in the midst of waiting my flight to Lombok via Bali, departing in 8 more hours. I should wait for that long and I have no idea what to do despite being in such a tourist city with so many beaches here and there. I guess I am still tired and I want to ponder , while being distracted with one funny Korean clips lol.

I’ve abandoned this blog for like months. It’s not that I do not have any ideas of what to write, I’ve got a lot actually. I have some books I want to review, I have some topics I want to talk (starting from those Lolicon bastards to my current adored figure, Elon Musk), and I decide to take a writing project with my long-time friends. Yet I was unable to commence anything because I am too perfectionist inside my head lol, lack of perseverance and enjoying Korean videos too much my leisure time is all for it lol. Apparently, my fighting spirit needs to be upgraded hhi.

Well, Imma starting with books I have finished so far and making a quick review of them. Imma killing this longggg transit time!!


  1. A Hunchback of Notredame

So I started 2017 with one of Victor Hugo’s masterpiece. Not familiar with him? Well, he’s the original author of Les Miserable. He is one of respected French authors and had a unique delivery of his story. I only have read one of his masterpiece, which is this A-Hunchback of Notredame, and I concluded that he was very obsessed with details in history of every places appeared in his novel which some of them did not have any direct connection with the characters. I remember reading a chapter, one full chapter, explaining about an area in Paris, the story behind the making of it. To be honest I was bored to death. The main premise of this novel was not visible until, like, reaching the middle part of this novel. It was tiring to death, and I kinda forced myself to finish this and postponed reading another. Do you know how long it took to finish this? 6 months! lol.

The main story revolves the people living in French during 1840-ish, if I’m not mistaken. During that time, there were many immigrants in Paris, most of them were gypsies who were known to practice magics and thus, outcast and hated by many Parisians. They were in the bottom part of society back then. There was Esmeralda, a young gypsy girl living with her smart goat, professing as hmm, an entertainer. She showcased her dance along with her goat’s ability to spell human’s names. She put an interest with Phoebe, a Parisian soldier, who seemingly liked her too. Esmeralda did not have parents since she was a kid but she was left with a necklace, which she believed was left by her parents on purpose. She had this gut feeling that her parents, her mother ( I forgot why she was sure it’s her mother) was still alive.

Then there were these other two important characters, Claude de Frollo and Quasimodo. Claude de Frollo was one of political figure in Paris, well-known for his intelligence and level-headedness. He found Quasimodo when Quasimodo was still a baby and raised him, helped him live in society to be a bell-ringer in Notre-dame church. Quasimodo was described as having a monstrous look, having only one-eye with a hump in his back. It didn’t stop there, he was also deaf, and that often caused misunderstandings with other citizens. Many people were scared of his (at that time looks really mattered, guys) hence, he was isolated. Both Frollo and Quasimodo loved Esmeralda. Frollo was even so obsessed with her, that he’d rather Esmeralda died than married other guy. Compared to love possessed by Quasimodo, which made him wish and expect nothing but Esmeralda’s happiness and safety, Frollo’s was the start of all problems in this novel.

I will tell no more about the story, I guess I still recommend you to read this book. You can learn a bit about French history, especially Notre-dame church, since it was really there in Paris. Also, a bell-ringer who had same description like Quasimodo’s actually existed and some guessed that he inspired Victor Hugo. Also, this novel got a damn right moral lesson, that is still relatable for current age. How people with different background, personality, physics, who are deemed abnormal, were often cast aside. Discrimination is still everywhere…

Rating  : 3/5

2. The Great Gatsby

Okay, old sports! Let’s get to the point lol. This novel started with a really ordinary-life situations from a point of view of Nick Carraway. He was the neighbor of Jay Gatsby, our main character, and the cousin of Daisy Buchanan, Gatsby’s long-time ex-lover, now a wife of Tom Buchanan. This story revolves around the failure in moving on, push and pull, which led to fatal tragedy in the end of the story. This was my first time reading F. Scott Fitzgerald ‘s and I experienced curiosity in every pages. I was interested with the stereotypings of people in West and East bay and such, lol. I guess stereotyping was really really intense back then. And the twist in the end was really unexpected. After all, I did not really expect Daisy would want to sacrifice everything, her unpleasant marriage too, for Gatsby, I mean, that was like uncommon problem solution for adultery lol. But I don’t expect Gatsby will… fiuih he was willing to sacrifice himself to cover Daisy. and Tom the Coward, ck.

Gatsby was a party leader. He was a millionaire who made many ‘friends’ and they were always there in Gatsby’s house whenever he threw parties. But apparently no-one, but Nick and his father, was there during his hard time. Well, old sports, that’s why you should know well who your true friends are.

Rating : 5/5

3. Start-up Nation: The Story of Israel’s Economic Miracle

This is the first non-fiction book I read in 2017 and everytime people saw me with this book, they looked like I was reading some kind of Adam Smith’s or Parkin’s lol. This book is insightful and helping you be more briefly knowledgeable about Israel and its economic system, but with a nice delivery. Neither Senor or Singer threw those freaky economics terminologies; believe me, they wrote with humane languages lol.

Israel knows their limitation in term of natural resources and number of citizens and that’s the reason why they depend much on R&D and technology. The government also encourages entrepreneurship that it becomes a ‘thing’ there, while people in other nations still considers it as a job with no certain income. They keep seeking of improvement in anything they created to have more effective results. That is what makes Israel a country with the second highest spending on innovation and one of the highest with patent registrations. That is why so many companies from developed countries invest their R&D in Israel despite their not supportive external environment (The Gulf, war with Palestine). Despite its size, Israel was early to catch the benefit of technology could give to human beings.

I was inspired with Israel’s perseverance, mentality, and out-of-the-box thinking through this book. They strived so hard to build their nation by investing more in technology, which can improve their was of living and also contributes to country’s economy. Their strong mentality is mostly contributed by the military background that all of citizens commonly shared. I realize that I live way more comfortably than Israeli. My parents were raising me and my bro-sis really hard but it’s nothing compared to Israel’s situation though lol.

Their nation itself is pretty much a start-up

Things I learned from them :

  • Dare to throw opinions and constructive criticism,
  • Dare to accept criticism also, despite the source being someone under your rank/age
  • Dare to commit for goals and strive for the implementation, no matter how difficult the circumstances are (especially compared to what Israel is facing)
  • Dare to make as many alternatives and adjustments as they can not only in business but also in life, since this whole world is full of uncertainty
  • Dare to explore ‘world’ and experience adventure to get a perfectly clear sight of your own goals
  • Dare to take risks (this one is hard, old sport, I’m a risk-averse hiks)
  • =

From this book, I also got to conceptualize a life I want to have; Life I can do my personal things freely, improve myself day by day, and seek for adventure, even in my daily life lol.

Indirectly, I also learn that Success is not achieved in one night. There are processes that needs a lot of patience, a realization that one needs to improve more and more, and you gotta be ready for it. lol

Rating : 5/5

4. The Great Divorce

My favorite Christian author, C.S.Lewis. I’m back reading his work of fiction, describing about a world before hell and heaven. The ones who are saved and deserved heaven, the ones who can only see a little glimpse of it from a far and have to continue journey to the opposite direction. Pretty much the book tells us that. Well, it’s not a matter of your good and wrong deeds. A mother who loved his son so much that she’d rather have her son and herself go to hell for being together did not deserve heaven.

This book also tells that heaven is not about you, not about your enjoying the gold and the joy only for yourself. Heaven is a place in which you will not find any sufferings, since God is the source of your happiness. He is your joy, and thus, worthy much of your praise. In heaven, your life of full worshiping him begins. We, as a re-born Christian, do that on earth. But this earth is sinful, since here evils occupy this earth also. Even though an author wants to fully worship God through his writings, there are times he falls for a selfish goal of wanting fame for himself. That’s just an example, though. In Heaven, God is really the center of everything. You must give up any kind of earthly affections you have and let Him replace it with His affection so that you can love in His way.

Lewis is really a smart and talented author. Such a philosopher. A fairy-tale lover. A deep thinker. I want to be like him.

I need to persevere first.

Rating : 5/5

Okay So that’s all my readings so far. Going to update you more about mmmm maybe about my upcoming fiction writing project with my friend. 🙂

I guess I’d like to take my time for a relaxing massage while still waiting for my flight 🙂


To The Tip of The…

I remember last year, at the same date, I was alone contemplating how I should start and end 2016. I created a big plan, broke them down into specific tasks and routines, like how my study taught me during my campus years lol. I messed a lot due to my lack of disciplines and sacrifice haha though I managed to accomplish some of them after struggling bloody much. Actually my mind is not at ease since I realize that whole 2016 was more a turmoil; I have mixed feelings over it and I do not know if I feel disappointed to myself, but to be exact, I could not feel happy.

I am currently doing the exact same thing that I did last year and I cannot focus. I am super anxious and I am wondering if I still had a capability to be committed to what I have planned. I am afraid that I do not write as many times as I plan. I am afraid that I do not read. I am afraid that I still disappoint my parents with my ignorance. I am afraid that  I still find it hard to let people in. I am afraid that I, again, sacrifice my time and friendship for things or people unworthy and realize just when I lose them all. I am afraid that I will mess everything. I am afraid that 2017 is just going to be another time I fail myself.

The things are now, I have so many regrets over things I did in 2016. This time I really wonder if I could travel back and undo so many things. So many if-s that are inside my head now and they are singing louder when I am in my silence. I try to distract myself by opening Instagram, Path, anything but those just keep me trapped even more.

I should move forward, I know. Start anew. But despite that knowledge, I am afraid. I fear 2017.

I just…want to apologize to some friends that I avoid, forget. To some people that I just turned down their care and love. To my parents, sister, and brother. To God. The last two entities are whom I disappointed the most.

I am going to pray and I do hope that there will be peace in my mind and heart. I badly need it.

And at last, I want to apologize to myself. I turn away from the love I need just to get comfort from a temporary lust.


Let Us Sing Boombayah

~~ Middle finger up, F-U-PAY ME!


Source of PIC : What a cute pic up there!

One of my silly friends pointed his middle finger to me and I laughed it off. Suddenly it reminded me of :

  • Blackpink’s song. IF you guys don’t watch or observe 1/10000 parts of Kpop, you wont ever get this
  • My thoughts on people who are jerks and and bastards and  angelic-demonic-in-between and stupid that I got to see and deal with.
  • My self.


Prologue : My Name


my name

Once upon a time, I come in to a place where the people are as bright as the sky. They are a bunch of fine-brained with ambition to take down all creatures above the galaxy and below the earth. Majority is the born-stars, while very few are those called The Average. They spend whole day and night debating over things in this world and solving problems, even if they are just as tiny as the tip of my pink finger. They want to be noticed so badly, appraisal is what they seek and sleek is their tongue. They are a collection of aggressive, calculative, brave, human. They are beastly, but at the same time, likable. Those are the Attackers. Those are The Strategists.

The Average is a collection of people who are no longer unable to grow and do not seek for any improvement. They are bunch of guys who just live to live, going distinct time after time. They are unacceptable, that is why they are closed-off. They are the Bridge Builder, The Hammersmith, The Weapon Makers. The judgement is they can work only with hand. And to their names no one is interested.

I am trusted as one of the born-stars, deep inside I know that is true. My name is unknown. But quirky is my personality compared to the those, that they believe I am not. The judgment is I am passive. Spirit of competing is what I do not have. I am only sitting while others are running. Bad is my tongue and slow is my brain. In my own world I live. I am assigned as one of the Attacker while the judgment is my seat should be what The Average just do. I am not refusing the judgement since true are most of the contents.  But wrong is the part that I am incapable of competing.  And to defend myself in the assessment, I can think even though slow is the run. I am seeking for a growth and my soul wants to be involved in the taking-downs.

to be continued.



mockingjaymaxresdefault (1)

“On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway.That what I need to survive is not Gale’s fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.”

Despite mixed reviews about the movie, I still made up my mind to watch Mockingjay Part 2. Partly due to my impression of the novel that long ago took over my mind, and other one is because I already watched the previous movies and also because I am a fan of J-Law’s acting. To be honest, I did not remember a whole detail of the novel version, since it’s been long time ago, but the big picture is still stamped in my brain. So while watching the movie version, I on the same time reminisced the details and I thought the production team changed some things but yeah, the premise was still there.

I guess you should watch this. I try very much to hold back my emotion while writing this but you should watch this. From the actresses and actors’ actings to the effect this movie has, the story line, the surprises in the scenes (though for me they’re not surprising since I read the book :)).

I am so happy with the heroine here, with the rolled-away corrupted leader, who is so much like leaders in my countries here, taking away resources only to establish their own shitty empire. I am so thrilled with the way the people loyal with the iconic uprising leader, which is Katniss, who is actually more than just an icon. I am touched with the feelings each character showed, so broken seeing Prim, the one Katniss tried to protect since the beginning of the story, the reason why Katniss faced the dirty tricks of politics, yet indirectly caused the drastic transformation of Panem. This movie has my three-finger salute. And I love every scenes of “Real or Not Real” ones hohohohoohoho.


But let’s not forget that the movie version cut away my most favorite quote, the one I put in the beginning of this letter. Collins could not picture it any better. I don’t know, it’s just I could take that personally lol. Katniss may have struggled together with Gale since their childhood times, but that didn’t make them share the same vision of peace. This we could see starting in the District 13, in details like the ambitions Gale had over the war, how they differed in viewing war as the way to lead to protection and prosperity. Peeta was surely living a better life than them before the Games, that’s why he had a softer heart and more level-headed mind. But he and Katniss seemed to have same views over war and have people they want to protect but war is just not the way. They compliment each others. Fire and Dandelion. And they (red : production team, the screenplay) skipped this. It breaks my heart till now lol.

Well, I am lil bit sad that I should part away, again, with my favorite heroine, Katniss Everdeen. She, much less, inspires me of caring the closest ones I have. I do not have many, though. So it will be a shame if I do not treat them properly. She shows how the originality of who she is and shrewdness, instead of empty sweet-tongue and fake, can take her everywhere and I want to leverage mine, too. I mean she is not perfect, in term of personality, I do not think she is the ideal character for girls or women. But that is what makes me like her more, for I can relate more to her.

And since I do not want to end up losing ones I care for, I consider to be honest to them lol okay things are getting more personal now ;p

That’s it I think for now. I am thankful that I ever read and watched the complete installments of The Hunger Games.

I am gonna re-read and re-watch them hohoho.



Big ?


Tell me what’s more dangerous
In life than living a life with
No soul, no freedom, no purpose
I don’t think there’s anything
More cruel than taking away those things
That make a human human

Society talks about morality, politeness
About listening to your old man
The importance of settlement
Of security, in the form of money
But what if all things society believes
To be the grand luxury of earth
Are only robbing the most fundamental right
of ours?

Children go to school, learn all those stuffs
No wonder the living creatures on this blue earth
Are all zombies
Living a life of routines only desiring a survival
for another day
With no direction, only tomorrow knows
Praying for better future, an empty pray
For you don’t know exactly what you are sayin’

Making parents happy? Seeing all your crews proud?
Have you ever questioned yourself while you’re busy
Thinking bout them
Are those things making yourself happy and proud?
Are those things fulfilling the sense of yours as human?
Regardless all your backgrounds, are you at ease, at no doubt
with the current track you are walking on?

You are designed and gifted with mind and heart
Those differ you from other livin creatures
Do search of what’s best for you in life
You have a voice
Good enough to pour out what you’re thinkin
Do voice them out
So what if what you believe is different
from what society deems right?
And also,
So what if what you do believe what society deems right?

The greatest robbery in life is to rob
People’s right and freedom to do
What they are believin
The greatest rape in life is to take away
People’s right and freedom and force
them to agree with general consesus
When they don’t

Just use your mind
And get out of your zombie’s life
You deserve a better life

Personality Theories Should be Seen as Tendencies Instead of Absoluteness


Yes, pls notice the title of this post (not the picture), take it to your brain, and reflect it. Why all of a sudden I come up with this topic? Because I am crazily in the mood of writing and there are some people who need to be further educated regarding the usage of MBTI personality tests results.I am sick with these people, including myself, who improperly uses this theory as their excuses for actions they took and impacts they created.

I just took (again) an MBTI personality test and the result, still same with previous attempts last year, is an INTP. Here is the detailed result :


You have to notice some important things from the results :

  1. The results are shown in a bar, which has two poles
  2. Each poles is consisted of personalities and could be measured, proved by the percentage value
  3. What does that mean? That means every individuals has both poles for each pair of traits, but they tend to have more in one pole over the other.
  4. And do you know that the last year I took the test, the result was the same but the percentage value was different? Last year, Introverted got the first place followed by Thinking, Intuitive, and Prospecting, respectively. Yet look at that picture now. What does it say?

I am 74% introverted, 40% intuitive, 38% thinking, and 50% prospecting/perceiving. I prefer solitary moment to recharge myself instead of party-ing with bunch of dudes. I favor a big picture than a handful of details. I tend to hide my feelings and show objectivity and rational part of me. But I still keep my options open even though I have got plans in hands. But that does not mean I cannot make friends at all. I am open-minded yet pragmatic. I easily get mad when people try to ruin my job and I still write my to-do lists. Like I said, it’s all about tendencies.

So never say that you are like this because you are an ENFJ. Or I am introverted and socially inept that is why I do not make friends and that’s why (making friends) is not important. Yes, I am a loner and I am not easily making friends. Yes I choose my friends very carefully. But I still can connect to others, screw chunk. Yes  I enjoy reading theories and find myself aloof with the execution of plans yet that does not mean I cannot do the technical things. Believe me, when you are in the beginning of your career, your whole work life is all bout technical things, less strategic, unless you work as consultants or auditors or lawyers or corporate experts.

So please, pleeeeaaaaase, stop making a lame excuse yeah. That personality result may show us a foundation of why we are doing what we are doing, and I know some scientists have stated extrovert-introvert does have connections with our brain parts.  But to misuse it for hiding yourself, justifying your acts is another story. And do not force yourself to be COMPLETELY that type of personality. So what if you have one or some deviation(s)?

I am INTP yes. I am proud of who I am, with all plus minus. Yet that does not mean I am unable or not really having any other traits rite?

And that does not mean I am unable to make a cheap romantic poem like this one

I will not lie that I am deeply falling

Both in love and lust

You have awaken a part of me that 

You have filled me up with

New views I never dare to look at

I wonder of all people

Why you?