Nothing but The best



Everything changes and will never go back to the way it used to be

You go there, I stay here, they spread nowhere to be known

No matter how sorry I am, I can never re-create moments

I am drowning inside of my head, thinking about how things were,

Comparing things that are now

They say you are better off this way, appears to me they blame me

For how you were

I do not care what they think of me, that if they thought I made you worse

THough I blame myself much for what happened

But one thing that I realize, I never meant any harm to you

I know that I supported you so much, and even though you disgraced me

degraded me, from the title of your close friend to be your close trash

I still know that you are capable and I wish nothing but the best

I will keep myself from hoping to be your entourage

I will live my life if that’s what you want

And I will never go back

I will keep myself from going back

I will try my best to disappear from your eyes if that comfies you

I am sorry for breathing the same air

in the same place

But I promise I will never bother you

You can hold onto my words

Since I always try my best on it

So sorry for being at your sight everyday

Even though it hurts me to be disgraced like that

I understand.

Wish you the very best luck and success!

Good bye!




Wuthering Heights was what made me fall in love with classics. Up till now, no more stories could give me a strong impact, a cold chill, such that book gave. Emily Bronte clearly described how love and ambition could either destruct or construct.

The story was anti-mainstream at its age, when mostly romance told romance. Wuthering Heights combined really greatly the love story, family issue, bigotry, and tragedy. The plot twist was not much, but each characters were strong figures and very distinctive. Here also people could see how egoistic love that human has is. I followed each chapters and scenes and concluded that the story inside was happening as the results of their decisions. That is why the story was so flowing and smoothly progressing towards the end.

I’m not talking much about the novel. I do not think I will do justice to re-tell it, or review it, since the book is such a perfection to me. But I know I have to tell someone, to tell you, that this book is great and you should read this classic! Like, you can learn that what’s not going to be, will never be. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you will unite with the one(s) you care and love when you die and you are buried side by side lol. Nope that’s not it of course.

I am here to tell you about my favorite character, Hareton Earnshaw! Despite his appearance was only in the near-to-end parts, I care for him. Because one, in my opinion he is the only pure soul in the story and second, he is a victim, a collateral damage of what his father, his grandmother, even his auntie, Catherine Earnshaw, the love of Heathcliff, did and he did not deserve it. He was treated so inhumanely by Heathcliff, even worse than the treatment received by Heathcliff. He was raised as uncivilized boy, only knew how to work in farm and dealt with animals. Girls were not mesmerizing for him until he met Cathy, his own cousin that he fell in love.

…He appeared to have bent his malevolence on making him a brute: he was never taught to read or write; never rebuked for any bad habit which did not annoy his keeper; never led a single step towards virtue, or guarded by a single precept against vice.

Unfortunately, he was disliked by her for his unintelligent code of conduct, while in fact he never learnt what was proper and what was not. He could not show his love and care properly because he was shown differently (by his so-kind uncle,Heathcliff), thus made Cathy chose Linton over him. He was the one who helped Cathy and yet being mistaken for his motive by her. My, life is so unfair for him. He was so eager to learn to read but he was being laughed at. Huhuhu I was crying at that scene. He seek for personal growth, unconsciously but the only one supportive was Nelly while Cathy just kept underestimating him. He silently lamented Heathcliff’s death, thinking Heathcliff’s been a father to him while Heathcliff hurt and ruined his life. He was the punching bag of Wuthering Heights (, unknown year).

Even though his life started so roughly, it slowly changed towards some happy moments, leading to a better life. Cathy finally taught him to read. He learnt how to live like a civilized guy. lol.  I don’t mean to spoil anything, but the story at least gave justice to him. If not, I might have put the book on fire since I could not stand to remember how cruel Bronte to him. Like, it’s enough for Hareton to taste the aftermath of an injustice  in Wuthering Heights.Even though Linton and Cathy did too, but at least they tasted a love from their parent (ironically, Cathy was so loved by Edgar Linton while Linton was with Isabella Linton– ones who read will probably get this). They also knew how to read and spell, they were taught which one was right and not, they recognized what made people happy and what not. They could have a perspective towards life, planned to have a life like this and that. While Hareton… They knew how to behave well. Yeah, I could name more, and more of them. Perhaps these are my subjective thoughts, but for me, Linton and Cathy had better life in the beginning.

Upss I forgot that Nelly loved Hareton so much. But unfortunately Heathcliff separated them for so long that Hareton was grown up not remembering even a thing about her 😦

Also, I guess Heathcliff, to some extent, genuinely cared for him (this is debatable for me, tho) since he was carried some features of Heathcliff’s love of his life. Of course, Hareton and Catherine The Mom were Earnshaws!

Of course, I never not learn anything from my favorite character in a book. From Hareton Earnshaw, I know that no matter how slumped you are, how unrefined you are raised (because of the situation or people), you can still change your life so long as you have a strong motivation to grow. That motivation can be from other person, or a special thing you want to achieve. Hareton, who never knew that his life was hugely not decent, was driven by a strong want to impress Cathy and also a curiosity.

Also, no matter how isolated one is from an actual, genuine form of care, he/she will be able to feel it once he/she meets a person they are attracted too and wanting to act to it.

That’s all my plea for this guy. I hope that you all, who is going to read Wuthering Heights, can show some love and care for Hareton 🙂

Let Us Sing Boombayah

~~ Middle finger up, F-U-PAY ME!


Source of PIC : What a cute pic up there!

One of my silly friends pointed his middle finger to me and I laughed it off. Suddenly it reminded me of :

  • Blackpink’s song. IF you guys don’t watch or observe 1/10000 parts of Kpop, you wont ever get this
  • My thoughts on people who are jerks and and bastards and  angelic-demonic-in-between and stupid that I got to see and deal with.
  • My self.


Just Leave This Untitled



I have forgiven you.

I have forgiven me.

I look into the mirror and realize that I could never change what is happening

I would not blame you. Ever since. Never will.

I knew I played a big part and I’d want you to know that it was so hard for me

It was so hard to let go of everything

It was like hell, when I was alone, I kept thinking if I never did it with you

More likely we’d still be funny to each others

I never forgive myself for what has happened now to us

You will never look the same anymore

I can never see you like I saw you before

God, how I despise myself for this

So many if-s come out of my head

I never regret what we had done

I regret that everything just changes now

I am really sorry

I can never tell you this eyes to eyes

For I am afraid what is going to happen next

I am afraid worse things will happen

That we will be farther

I am anxious, that you are going to leave, your physics and your mind

That you will never think of me anymore

I am afraid, so afraid that I ask you’d never go any further with that one

Everything changes. I am sorry.


A Kid Who Could Not Let Go



Ariel, a 5-year-old girl, was living a relatively nice kid life. She might not be as loud as other kids, but she would like to speak when she had to. She was not the most diligent or the neatest kid in class, yet she was proven able to catch any materials given by the teacher. She loved being in her own brain and  reading comics and Old Testament’s story made her day since it was full of fun and exciting things. She did not know many kids in class or vice versa. That is why she had a few friends only in class, the closest one was only Lei, a girl who was older by 5 months. But she loved her friends so much she would be extremely sad when she was left.

One day, her father realized that Ariel could have been to a higher class in school, for she was older than her friends in her current class, yet not old enough to go to upper level. But her father saw her capable since her teacher always addressed her as a capable kid who only needed to improve her focus, neatness, and orderliness. He asked her teacher if she could help Ariel to go to upper level when she’s not due yet. Her teacher told him yes, and in the next two weeks she would no longer be in her current class.

Ariel was told so and surprised was she to know that. She cried and was unwilling. She hated the upper level kids. All those kids were very rude and noisy. They often picked fights with her current class kids. She did not want to separate with her friends, too. They were nicer and funnier. With them she could laugh a lot while with the upper levels, she did not think so. She only thought of Lei and her current class friends. She did not want to leave her friends. She was afraid that her friends would not play with her anymore. She could not make friends in the upper level, she was sure of it. That’s why she met her teacher and pleaded.

Her teacher told her not to cry over temporary things. Friends were easy to find but chance to be more knowledgeable sooner than her other friends were rare.  She was enough in age, and her father trusted that her brain could catch fast enough. The kids in the upper level would not bother her as long as she stayed silent. Lei, also, was considered old and capable enough to go to upper level, but her parents had not come up with a decision. Lei and her current class friends were her friends and they would not easily forget Ariel. She kept crying although she began to agree deep in her heart with what the teacher said.


A few weeks passed by and Ariel began to walk comfortably in the upper level. The kids she thought noisy were not really. They did not bother her, but she chose not to go close to them. The other kids were helpful in the drawing session, the session she really disliked. She also liked to learn about words and writing sentences. She had no problem with maths but lack of focus she was that she often skipped what her teacher said. She was slowly back having a relatively nice life.

Then finally Lei came to the upper level as a new kid. Her parents finally approved of her going higher. That made Ariel joyful and she smiled all day, and planned to sit in chair beside her friend. Her teacher, though, did not allow since there was already one seat empty. Ariel saw Lei with her short hair and thought she looked different and not worse, but well, she did not like it. But Ariel cast the thought aside for she was delighted.

A few weeks only they were not playing together never had Ariel think that Lei would ignore her. She did say few words of happiness but Ariel expected more. She wanted to play with her but Lei did not seem to and chose to go with Merry, a kid who was longer in the upper level. Merry was also a kid sitting beside Lei. Ariel wanted to join but she was given many rules that she was so sad she could not be so carefree anymore with Lei.

So her teacher was wrong. Lei forgot her and no longer wanted to play with her. But her teacher told her right too, not to cry over temporary things. Friends were temporary.



Now, as Ariel has grown up, she realized that friends were just a variable depending on time and place. She shall never trust yet she can never leave.



There is no picture able to describe the title so there won’t be. This is just a random thoughts coming.

A plot twist is a situation in which a person expects or is expected to go to certain direction, but a lot of sudden, some outer force (to be more realistic, you can change it as ‘condition’) influences the direction that he/she goes to the other way. No, it is too simple and does not do justice to the words. It is not only affecting the process. The outer force causes a different outcome. An unexpected change. Yeah sometimes you expect a change in something, brur.

For example, let’s say a girl named Ariel has a commitment with a boy named Calvin to get married when they are 28 years old. Both of their parents agree. Their friends are happy. Each of them are loyal to each others. They love each other. Ceteris paribus, their dream will be realized at the time.

But few months before their marriage, Ariel is found to have a debt with bad guys and unable to pay them back. Ariel does not want to cause anybody harm so she does not tell Calvin nor her parents nor her friends. The debt collector decides to do a lot of cruel things to Ariel and as a result, they cause her dead. Calvin is crying, at the end, because he has lost the love of his life.

Hopefully it make things clear.

You may think that is dramatic, let me show a more realistic example, A is a stupid kid. He fails his daily exam and never manages to get 90. He is expected to fail at his university entrance test. But he makes it. He sucessfully passes and gets Physics as his major.

Every people, I am 100% sure, ever faces this situation, has their own plot twists. That changes their view on other people or other people on them. That changes their life, for better or even worse. Some manages to laugh at their own plot twists, some cry over ’em. It happens to me, a lot of time, which can be helpful or awful.I have got used to it.

A plot twist does not need to be dramatic like what Ariel and Calvin face. It is a matter of the outcome. If the outcome is what you are not expecting, you face one. Lol. End of blabberings.


A Boredom Killer.


There is always a struggle when a change occurs. A struggle to make sense of it. A struggle to fight for or over it. A struggle to reject or to accept it. A struggle to leave or join it. Thus, one or a thing should have enough strength to pass the moment.

A change happens as one or a thing is in the transition towards a new phase. A change is not always a betterment, or going towards something pleasurable. That is the normal one, I name it. Sometimes, a change diverts one or a thing from a nicety to an empty or difficult or unpleasant situation, or self.That is the deviant one. Well, I come up with the name by myself and they are not academically valid so feel free to share your opinion lol.

A change is a part of time. No, it is the effect. Aligned with the journey of the time, it goes and stays in the future. And since time cannot be pulled back,thus a change cannot be prevented.

A change is horrifying. Exhausting. Yet never ending. But one or a thing has to overcome the feeling and embrace it. That is the struggle. And there is always a struggle when a change occurs.

change-emotions_multi-directional-sign (1)